Where Change Begins
Reflective notes on love, control, and the space to heal after watching the movie Sore: A Wife from the Future by Yandy Laurens.
When Sore chooses to stop trying to change Jonathan so she can be with the person she loves for a longer time in the future - she asks him to stop smoking cigarretes, drinking alcohol, and suggests eating healthy, and exercising.
During this, we see her helping with all and never losing her smile in the process. She has a content look in her face of things being in her control and a hope that the future will change.
However, after failed attempts keep leaking her hope of change, she reaches a conclusion that people never change.
She chooses to go about her own life thinking distance might free her from the fate she keeps circling. She meets different people asking for job, and then meets Marko, a fashion boutique shop owner - who gives her a place to stay and a place to work.
A few days go by, she seems to adjust well in this new setting, everything looks okay, she gets better at the job, makes the place she lives beautiful, and keeps working for Marko.
When nothing seems to go wrong - enters Jonathan - who seems to still be with Elsa - who she knows will not be the end goal if not chased. So, she hesitates, leaves the room, comes back, when checking the fit for Jonathan, she stops herself from telling him that she is her wife from the future.
She watches - she listens and once she sees that Jonathan is still not doing good. She asks Marko - You said “There are three things time cannot undo: The past, the pain, and death's quiet truth.”
Marko, quietly nods - saying “Yes that's what I said”
“So you believe people can change?” asks Sore, while facing down, as if she knows the answer.
“Of course people can change. But, the change must come from within. Some people have trouble making peace with the pain and trauma. But they can change.”
Once she realized what Marko truly means; she hugs him, says thank you.
All this while, She was trying to change who he was based on what she knows. Which in turn must change the fate of both on the future. Ever since, she has been in the loop, she has been selfish giving Jonathan ultimatums rather than providing a space to heal.
She was guiding him to perfection so she can find more time with him in the future. Which Jonathan cannot understand because to him - his life is better the way it is.
However, once she realized - she slows down and allows for him to change from within but time had other plans.
Sore did not give trauma or had a bad past with Jonathan; but why should she allow Jonathan now?
Often times we think for the sake of relationship asking others to change will keep the relationship happy and in this case, the future of Jonathan even more longer as she states he dies.
But only lately I have realized that it is more about how we heal, how much are we willing to see our partner as a person just like us - with a past and a catalyst in our life.
These tiny things often feel of no importance but once realized are pivotal for people to remain together.
All the other glitter fades away but these moments if done right will etch a mark on the hearts of your partner. When years pass by, the one thing that is bound to stay is the space you give and the love you shower.