If Only I Had A Voice...

It's been a rough past year for me.....nothing is going on that's interesting. Well, nothing ever goes interesting with me other than dusting me, hanging a variety of balloons and sometimes a painting which has this intellectual conversation with me and someone comes and unknowingly just pushes it down. it's outer parts just shatter to a million pieces and the inner soul just dies with holes, tears here and there.

I never got a voice before to tell you what stories I witness every day. Ever since I first started listening and feeling the emotions humans feel I started to get more involved in them and I know eavesdropping is wrong but what can I do, I do it unintentionally. All I do is watch and listen to people all around. some are interesting, as the doctor in the room behind me loves one of the nurses but just can't tell her because he thinks she is way attractive to date him....which is true but as a constant member here and I say constant because you people come and go but in my case, I get to stay until you guys think of breaking me, I  know they two looks cute together, like the one in Grey's anatomy....yeah I watch tv shows because you people sit in front of me on this bench and watch tv shows when doctors don't show up on time because they missed their lunch and went to have a bite or two. I notice this one guy who always watches Grey's anatomy sitting in the same spot and sometimes when there are no people around pulls up his leg and places them on the next chair leaving the legs dangling in the air. I just love his attire, always has a shirt upon a t-shirt, jeans and a watch which looks like a gift from someone special to me because he just keeps brushing it gently while always thinking or just waiting. He used to come here twice every week and never once did he miss his attendance!

I guess he has some rare illness about which I don't know but watching him was my favorite pastime for a few years now.

At first, when he came to the hospital, he was young and had oily hair, wore oversized shirts and a lot of cards in his hands, I don't know what cards were they, he was probably holding the cards from some trading games. The next day I saw the boy rushed in hurry in a stretcher suffocating and shaking unpleasantly as he could not breathe properly, that's when he and his family realized that he has some rare illness. Since then, the boy has come twice every week without missing a day.

It's been three years now, and things around here are a lot different now. I mean he no longer has cards in his hands but a book and a pen, he developed a sense of fashion. Few of the doctors shifted and Many new faces have shown up. I am not one for eavesdropping but the new doctor in the above floor is the new crush for many male attendees and trainees around here. I have seen her and my god they are right. Okay, we will talk about her some other day, this kid who still sits in the same spot always has earphones on, slow jamming to songs while writing. Happy in his world.

A year passed by, he still sits there writing down something or the other whenever he visits. before he used to visit along with his parents but now he comes alone. Occasionally he used to talk to a girl on the phone...and that's when he was the happiest! Since the last few days, I didn't see him wear the watch and now he looks so sad, he no longer has a pen and a book with him but a bag in which he has a box of his medication and some chocolates. He just comes and waits in that spot, eyes wide open, thinking something, I can tell he's sad because unlike other times he looked at me he had this smile which just soothes others, you know that smile right.....that vicious smile which no matter what spreads without our knowledge!

Now his eyes look so tired all the time, maybe his condition was getting worse. Soon he got admitted to the hospital and his parents were always there by his side. His friends come to visit him every other day and this one girl, holds herself back outside of the room with the watch he wore all the time for three years and stands outside his room watching him silently for quite a time and when she notices someone going through his door, just turns back and starts walking with tears in her eyes. That's the girl who he talks to on the phone and smiles beamingly. This girl was really pretty and her eyes were so expressive, no wonder he smiles imagining her sometimes. I think the watch was her gift to him and he loved it but since his situation began to decline he realized and gave back the watch. Thinking of it he used to brush the watch softly every time while thinking of something and now I understand why... Almost a month passed on like this and one day the girl found the courage to go into that room and noticing her, his parents left the room and were waiting out on the bench. They talked for a while and before leaving she gave a kiss on his hand and wore the watch on her wrist. and took his hand close to her cheeks and started caressing it, watching this their parents were in tears... After a while, the girl came out, his parents consoled the girl and then they sat down with her for a while.

Within the next few days, he started having the same suffocations like his earlier days but with more intensity, the doctors rushed in and immediately shifted him to the operation room, they informed their parents I guess, they came in a fraction of minutes. Parents waited for hours outside gazing towards me with the same eyes their child had a while ago and held hands tightly. His mother started praying while his father shook his leg unstoppably. The whole corridor became so silent, the only sound which was coming out was the mumbling of prayers his mom was chanting. Soon his friends came along with that girl and all were waiting. When the doctors came out, parents stood immediately and his mother went close to the doctor, held his hand and said: "Is he okay?" In utmost grief the doctor put down his head and said I'm sorry, we could not save your son — listening to this the whole floor was in silence and then everyone had nothing to say, especially his parents, after listening to the doctors, they burst out asking to do a miracle and bring back their son. The girl sat down where she was and just covered her face while crying out loud, his friends all were weeping in pain, they all stayed there for couple hours crying and bursting into tears... even the doctors, the nurse who treated him were crying on losing him.

Later the boy was taken in a stretcher to the van and I have never seen them again. The was a miracle in their life and they knew his value. After that many people came and everyone at such times watch me as if they know I am here and I can listen to their hearts. They just keep looking directly at me without talking. they deep down know what's going on there and yet wish for some miracle to happen. I have been to many places but act as a constant to all but never have I seen such painful prayers. I have never seen any place where people who hated each other hold hands in the prayers for their beloved ones.

l just happen to be there all time — watching, feeling, realizing and then again the cycle repeats. I wish I had a voice....then I could have told the guy that his attire was awesome and the way he smiles after talking on the phone with that girl was the prettiest smile, The way he gently brushes the watch with his forefinger when he remembers the girl was always so heart touching. I would have told the girl to have more courage and go in there previously to make the last few days of his life a little more worthwhile!
I would have told him that he lived his life to the fullest with all the love from friends and family, that he will be remembered for a lifetime!
If only.... I had a voice!!!!